2009 November

Giving Thanks In National Adoption Month

Posted on November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving sends us all through the same exercise – we think about those things for which we are most thankful. Generally, the first thing that comes to mind is one’s family. Families are a great gift and the people that make home feel like home. November is also National Adoption Month so it seems only logical that I should share with you my story – the one in which I was lucky enough to create what is now my family with more than a little help from technology and early social media. Just maybe what I share here will be of some help or comfort to someone who may stumble upon this post and find in it a little nugget of hope when they need it most.

Adoption is a very personal decision. I think those people on the outside of it make assumptions about why people decide to adopt. But those assumptions are generally a pretty narrow view of reality. In truth, some people just know that adoption is the path for them. I have always been one of those people. I always knew I’d be a parent, but I never felt any sort of compelling urge to give birth. Adoption is one of those subjects that exists in the periphery of cultural consciousness until you decide that you want to pursue it. Once you are serious about becoming a parent via adoption, a whole subculture starts to reveal itself to you. But not without a pretty significant amount of investigation. Thankfully, when I began my journey, I was already very familiar with the internet. Unfortunately, the adoption industry had not yet caught up to technology and was slow to adopt new channels of communication. At the time I started I was able to research adoption agencies through newsgroups. (Remember those? Newsgroups?) I’d hear about one, and then I’d search various adoption newsgroups for people with experience with the agency. Then I’d make contact with those people and, if it made sense, follow up with contact with the agency itself. Let’s put this in context, I started this process over 9 years ago and it took me six years to find my son. The web was still a less than effective way to really find and connect with resources in a way that really moved the process forward. But for me it was a little different. I was a blogger.

When we talk about Social Media, the Geek Girls try to point out the value of blogs and bloggers as community builders and mechanisms for two-way dialogue. In a world where Facebook is the social tool dujour, and Twitter is Facebook’s cooler, thinner younger sibling, blogs tend to get dismissed as less than social and certainly not as powerful for creating connections. But my story suggests otherwise. My blog was where I chronicled not so much the boring adoption journey itself, but my emotional response to a process that really isn’t very forgiving of emotion. See adoption is a lot about preparation, anticipation, anxiety, hope, disappointment, grief and, if everything finally comes together, ultimately its about celebration. Being embroiled in the adoption process (read: bureaucracy) for six years meant quite a few blog posts about this crazy range of emotions. I don’t need to recap all of it here, but I will tell you that we started pursuing international adoption, which has it’s own set of complications associated with it. We accepted and lost two referrals (a referral is a child in adoption speak) about 18 months apart (this was after waiting over a year for the first referral). Those children just disappeared into the ether that is that process. With the international thing no one ever tells you where the referrals go — they are just gone. We switched agencies three times. We transitioned from international to domestic in shifting from one agency to the next. Each comes with its own set of fears. International is expensive and the process can be long and disappointing, depending on the country. But with domestic adoption there is the fear of the first mom changing her mind or the first dad not really being on board. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy though, right? As I moved along this path I talked about it on my personal blog. And the craziest thing started to happen. I started to meet people who were rooting for me, or who were also embroiled in the adoption conundrum, or people that had been victorious and were wise, experienced parents of adopted children. A real dialogue and a real community of supportive humans started to emerge and they stayed with me through the entire ordeal.

I blogged when I was confused by paperwork. I blogged when we got our first referral. I blogged when I lost sleep and when that referral drifted away, when the invitation to travel to another country never came and when our adoption agency dealt with some shady issues. I blogged over my frustration with the wait and the silence and with people who popped out babies one after the other. I wasn’t really doing it for anyone else. I didn’t expect anyone would care or be moved to return to my site or participate in the discussion. I just needed to say what I had to say and my blog was that outlet. But people were reading and they did care and they were participating. It was single people, married people, straight and gay, moms and dads, grandparents. People who wanted kids. People who didn’t. Families immersed in the adoption quagmire. I was humbled and grateful for every blog comment, every email, every new friend or acquaintance. They kept me hopeful on those days when I had no other reason to be. And six years into it, when I was ready to give up hope, I wrote a blog post in response to a woman who, when suffering from mental illness, threw her twin babies into the Mississippi river. I wrote her a letter, actually. Her and anyone like her that was struggling. It wasn’t really for her or them. It was for me. It was my inner dialogue coming out and I published it for the world. I begged her and anyone like her to please please consider me. Not ‘me’ per se. But us – all of us in that place – that limbo between wanting a child and having a child. That place that is a cloud of confusion and desperation and hopefulness. That letter, that personal plea, that prayer moved my little community into a conversation I can’t really describe. Suddenly I was receiving emails with suggestions for immediate action that I should take. People who’d had luck with one angle or another were sharing their secrets and I was determining which to pursue.

I moved again into the breach with renewed energy and a feeling that this would be my last great effort at reaching out and trying to find my family. One suggestion was an aggregated list managed by a woman who collected crisis situations from all over the country. So instead of aligning with an agency, I would be choosing to pursue individual situations. I don’t want to get into the mechanics of the adoption process, that’s not what this post is about. But, suffice it to say, these people in my online community altered my perception of what was possible and when I decided to think absolutely outside of my comfort zone and pursue these various options, things started to happen. I followed up on a couple of crisis situations, which led me to a conversation with an adoption coordinator who remembered me months later when a woman came to them looking for a family just like ours. We were interviewed by the first mom and her family, we ultimately met them and grew to care very deeply for them. In July of 2006 my son was born and we took him home 48 hours later. When I am asked if the wait was worth it I always answer in the affirmative. Because now that I know him, I know why we had to wait. It was for him. He is exactly who we were supposed to meet. He is our family.

Why is this a Geek Girls post? Why have I decided to share this today? Because with all of this talk of social media and the miracle that it is for business (I use the word ‘miracle’ facetiously) and personal branding, at the end of the day these are human interactions. It is our humanity that moves the needle forward – a little at a time. With all of our tweets and status updates, pictures and connections, I want us to recognize that ‘transparency’ is just a buzz word. What we really want is honesty and authenticity and humanity and, even a little vulnerability. We are not connecting because we are fabulous. We are connecting because we are real. We are flawed. We NEED each other. We learn and grow from and support each other. We challenge each other. The tools have changed. There is more possibility for connection. The conversations might be bigger. But we are still perfectly imperfect humans.

On this Thanksgiving I am thankful for my family. My bright shining light – my boy. His first mom and dad and the gift they gave us. And all of the lovely, far-away people on the internet who never let me lose hope, who gave me energy and ideas, and ultimately (whether they know it or not) led me to my son. Happy Thanksgiving.

———

*Note: this post is not meant to be representative of the adoption process in any way. It merely reflects my experience with it. Every experience is different. Adoption is a worthy, worthwhile pursuit and I wouldn’t change a thing about the path that lead me to my son.

Additional Resources

National Adoption Day

Adopting.org

Adoption.com

The Five-Minute Guide to Google Alerts

Posted on November 18, 2009

If you’re not already using Google Alerts, you should start. Now. Google Alerts is an easy (and free) way to monitor news articles, blogs, videos, and other media.

We often say you can’t afford not to listen online, and Google Alerts is just another tool to help. With that, here is the Geek Girls Guide to Google Alerts:

1. Delivery Method
We start with the end only so you know where all of this is headed, and can think about how — and how often — you are going to want to monitor particular search terms. You can choose to have the alerts delivered to an email address (either as-it-happens, once a day, or once a week); or you can have the alerts delivered to an RSS feed (as-it-happens). If you want the alerts delivered by an RSS feed and don’t already have one set up, you can read the three part series on how to get started with RSS. You can go ahead and do that. We’ll wait here.

Okay, let’s move on.

2. Brainstorm Words & Phrases
This is where you need to put your thinking cap on.

First, get creative: if you’re monitoring mentions of your own name (which we highly recommend) don’t just set up an alert for your first and last name. Do you need one for your maiden name? A common misspelling? What about monitoring for close relatives’ names? (You think Meghan doesn’t have a Google Alert for her husband’s name? She totally does!)

If you’re monitoring for a business, put in your “official” name but also any common misspellings, or commonly-used shortnames. Put in industry keywords that you want to keep an eye on to help reveal industry content that you can comment on, blog about, or just be aware of.

Second, get picky: We suggest only searching for one term at a time, and if your term has more than one word make sure to put the words in quotes. Here’s what we mean: we monitor “geek girls guide” but not “geek girls.” Geek girls on its own is too generic and we end up with too many unrelated things.

While the full name of the company we work for is Clockwork Active Media Systems, lots of people just call it Clockwork. But, if we monitor “Clockwork” we get a TON of unrelated content, including lots and lots and LOTS of stuff about the movie, A Clockwork Orange.

Google has excellent tips on how to set up good searches (which applies to alerts as well):

Basic search tips: Including tips on how to use search-friendly phrases (which may be different from the human-friendly version).
More search help: This includes information on how to exclude terms. Remember my Clockwork vs. A Clockwork Orange example? One of the terms we monitor is “Clockwork -orange” which filters out a lot of the stuff we don’t want to see.

3. Get Alerts!

Go to google.com/alerts and enter the terms you would like to set up alerts for.

For each term or phrase, choose the type of results you want. These include: blogs, news, web, groups, videos, and comprehensive. We almost always choose comprehensive because we want to see as many results from as many sources as possible.

If you are choosing to have your alerts delivered to an email address you will need to enter that email address (if you’re logged into Google your email should already be there). Additionally, you will need to choose how often you would like to receive emails: as-it-happens, once a day, or once a week.

If you choose to have alerts delivered through a feed, the “how often” will automatically be as-it-happens.

Your frequency choices for each term or phrase will likely be different. You may want an alert about your own name as-it-happens, but only need to see an industry alert once a week. You can always change this later if you find that you’re being alerted too often or not enough for a particular term. Start somewhere, and tweak as you go.

4. Managing & Refining
If you are monitoring something with a specific end date (like an event) or things change (you break up with that boyfriend you’re monitoring), you might want to delete an alert eventually. From the Google Alerts main page you can click “Manage Alerts” and you will be taken to an admin section. To delete an alert simply click the check box and then click delete.

If a term starts making your mailbox overflow you might want to change the frequency or delivery method, or tweak the search terms if the results are not crisp enough. From the the admin section mentioned above, click “edit”, change any of the parameters, then save your changes. Boom.

5. Celebrate
Congrats! Do a little dance; you have now set up Google Alerts to help you monitor the ebbs and flows of the social media sea.

One note: Google Alerts won’t catch all tweets, so we advise setting up Twitter monitoring systems as well. To learn how to do that, read our Five-Minute Guide to Twitter Monitoring.

Best of luck! Let us know how it goes.

Good Enough

Posted on November 16, 2009

This morning at the Clockwork kitchen table, Marty and I had an argument centering around the Flip camera. It went something like this:

Me: I want a Flip.
Marty: Why? They suck.
Me: You sound like my husband! You guys are A/V snobs.
Marty: No, we’re not. We just don’t like things that suck.
Me: Yeah, but it’s fast and easy!
Marty: But it SUCKS.
Me: So WHAT? IT’S EASY!
Marty: Shut up.
Me: No, YOU shut up.
Kjrsten: Here, I had a Flip in my desk drawer. You can have it if the two of you promise to shut up.

One of the points I was trying to make as Marty and I were talking was one that Wired perfectly summed up in their recent article, The Good Enough Revolution:

“We now favor flexibility over high fidelity, convenience over features, quick and dirty over slow and polished. Having it here and now is more important than having it perfect. These changes run so deep and wide, they’re actually altering what we mean when we describe a product as ‘high-quality.’

And it’s happening everywhere. As more sectors connect to the digital world, from medicine to the military, they too are seeing the rise of Good Enough tools like the Flip. Suddenly what seemed perfect is anything but, and products that appear mediocre at first glance are often the perfect fit.”

Marty objects to the Flip for the same reason my husband does: because the video output is not that great. It could be so much better.

What they fail to understand are the motivations of people like me (whom Flip is presumably targeting): for us, it isn’t a choice between taking crummy video (with a Flip) and good video (with some other device). The choice is between capturing a moment on a dead-simple device, or not capturing it at all. Between sharing videos often (because we can plug the USB device into our machine at a moment’s notice) or sharing them rarely — or not at all (because it’s a hassle getting out the right cord).

So, while the Flip is offensive to people who know how much better it could be, it’s perfect for people who — above all else — just want something simple. (And, frankly, I recently made a video that ended up being half-shot on my Panasonic DMC-TZ5 and half-shot on Nancy’s Flip. The Flip portion has better audio and the video, while a bit lower in quality, is not offensive to the eyes AT ALL. Most importantly, IT GOT THE JOB DONE.)

It’s not like I’m a Luddite. I love technology. But, I also love things that are easy. And, whether you love or hate the Flip (or its output) you can’t argue that it’s easy as hell to use.

The Wired article is a fascinating look at how and when we value “good enough” over “the best” or “most featureful.” For those of us who develop web sites, software and other applications, this is a crucial phenomenon to understand. At what point do we give our users so many options that they can’t deal with it and retreat to something simpler that feels better, easier and less overwhelming?

Another perfect example: Craiglist (also featured in the same issues of Wired). The thing is ugly and clunky, and yet it is the first place I go when I need to buy or sell something. Because IT GETS THE JOB DONE. Wired asked designers to re-imagine Craigslist with a “better” design and you know what? With one exception (the one by SimpleScott who noted, “Why fix what isn’t broken?”), I wouldn’t use any of the versions presented. Better? Perhaps. But, somehow, in getting “better” they lost what it was that made it work in the first place.

[cross-posted on the Clockwork blog]

The New Face of Networking

Posted on November 1, 2009

Recently a financial services provider for Clockwork (the Geek Girls have day jobs at Clockwork) sent a note asking us where we network for business. I assume our contact was hoping to meet other small business owners like us and thinking that attending such events would be the best way to do that. Without thinking I started to answer, but it was tougher than I thought to come up with any kind of meaningful list of networking events that I attend regularly to connect with business contacts. I stopped trying and simply responded that the majority of significant connections I’ve made over the last few years have been made via social networking. In fact, I had tweeted only days prior that I was struggling with a particular experience with this financial services provider and, while I received several responses from competitors, I heard nothing from anyone from the brand itself. It was unfortunate, actually, because this is no small brand. In fact it’s huge. The idea that they seem to have a very minimal (if they have one at all) social marketing presence seems sort of backwards.

Later that day I did an informational interview with a freelancer looking to make new business connections for new work. While discussing her desire to find new opportunities and people in my network with whom I could connect her, I asked the question, ‘What are you doing with social?’ She responded by admitting, as so many people do, that she didn’t really see the usefulness of it — especially Twitter. I suggested that Twitter might actually be a very valuable tool in her quest for connections because, via Twitter, she’d have access to people she never would have opportunity to meet in any other setting.

Both of these conversations got me thinking about how some business and professional individuals still view social media. They see it as too much ‘social’, there’s not enough business value. The Geek Girls always say that we’re not here to sell our readers on social media. But I would suggest that those among you who still think it’s mostly fluff, might want to look start ‘listening’. Tune in to those people on Twitter that you know and respect in a professional capacity and then start to leverage their networks. See who they follow and start listening to more peripheral conversations. If you’re curious you should know that Twitter doesn’t work like Facebook because you can follow just about anyone. And if you decide to participate you have that option, as long as you are contributing in a relevant, authentic way. In essence, you can leverage your contacts’ networks to determine those among them that could be beneficial for you to know and, ultimately, introduce yourself to them and participate in conversations with them. It requires an investment of time and attention. But the opportunity is not insignificant.

When the Geek Girls are out talking to people about technology and social media I often talk about how we have opportunities to be better friends because of the connections social networks have enabled for us. I know that I am a better friend because of what these services bring to my relationships. Life is busy. Being a mom and a professional and a person with interests, social networks have allowed me to connect and reconnect with my friends on my terms. It may be late at night, I might be exhausted or in my pajamas, but I can make contact with my friends, catch up on their lives and their families and the things that are important to them, and remind them again that I care and I’m here. But these sorts of interactions are not reserved for our personal lives only. We can also make and foster new connections for business. And I would suggest that business networking is equally as difficult for some in real life for some of the same reasons. Using a tool like Twitter gives us access to people we need on our terms. We can learn from them, converse with them, make an impression on them, perhaps even influence them, all on our own time and our own terms. Perhaps even late at night in our pajamas.

I can join and participate in my professional associations, but my free time is so rare and so valuable that the events they produce really have to provide some serious value. Getting a babysitter or coordinating with the rest of my family or sacrificing family time or the time I need to actually get my work done are all difficult prospects. I am not alone. Most people I know are very selective about the traditional networking and continuing education events they attend. But when you consider the potential that social media offers, suddenly you’re confronted with the idea that there are now, for the first time ever, far fewer than six degrees separating each of us from just about anybody.

Don’t get me wrong, the Geek Girl’s also say that, whether you’re a brand trying to have a presence for social marketing, or a person trying to engage with friends, family or professional connections, we do not recommend that social networks take the place of real-time interaction. Social media is ‘in addition to’, not ‘instead of’. But wow, the potential for access and first contact is huge. Where you go from there is up to you. Don’t discount this social revolution on the web. It’s moving like this because there really is something to it. My recommendation is — start listening and see what you hear. And, if you’re the financial services provider I mention earlier in this post — call me. I’ve got a few tips for you.